What Do Men Want
Disclaimer: No offence to ladies, please don’t be judgmental
about this document.
A lot has been written and talked about “what does women want” (there was a
movie made few years back on this subject) but there was neither a movie made
on the subject [What do Men Want] nor
much discussion carried out. Let alone if someone ever thought of this aspect
in Pakistani (or sub continent) concept or context. I love and respect ladies from the core my
heart. But unfortunately mostly our society is manipulated and driven by
“masoom aurat” or uskay hukook (maybe because of our rural domination and
suffering caused by men to women). But what about urban men/women? Why we don’t
and cant differentiate this divide. Somehow women in all statures are
considered “baychari”, they are not. In Metro world where women are liberal and
educated, they are doing just fine and much better off than men. I feel
educated women are so powerful, sensible and strong that she could create
wonders if her energies are utilized towards positivity. There have been so many breakups and divorces
happening, it makes me feel sad and I fail to understand why we go wrong and
why we jump into conclusions so fast without realizing our own mistakes. We
play a blame game and surrender our life partners in front of our egos. Talking
to a lady friend of mine, she is having a terrible married life, I asked her
why she can’t do what she requires and she replied “I can’t let go of my ego in
front of him”, I said, please for God sakes, he is your husband and please
loosen up but she was adamant that there is no way that she would give in. She hinted
that she was having an affair with another man and she was not at all ready to
repair her married life. I asked her to visit a marriage counselor
(Psychiatrist or Psychologist) she denied. Had we known the real causes behind
breakups, we would have done accordingly but there is no one line or rule to
follow. I strongly feel for ladies and I am not in favor of typical males, who think of themselves and disrespect ladies. No way, men should
always give ladies highest regards in all spheres of live. Nothing is valid if men do not behave and do
not respect. This entire write up is about men who knows their values and
position, who do not manipulate in any manner whatsoever. And they will follow
the simple guidelines of “what do women wants” (article to be followed by this
one), which will have more points as ladies deserve more and they should
get more from men. So ladies, do not act up to be feminist and start
complaining, as to why we would do this and that. For once please think with
an open heart and understand. Remember it takes two to tango and only one to
man-go. This article is written for ladies to know what should they do for
their men and how to do things, so do not contemplate on “why me” & “why
not him”.
Every
individual and pair has their own sets of issues and hang ups. Right now I want
to talk about women’s perspective as what and how they should take things and
try them on their men. (now ladies don’t get after my case, I am going to write
about “what do women want, so rest assured please you stay put) It is very important to have a insight into
this right now, that is why I selected this topic to get deep into it so that
crux could be derived and our ladies could also have a little notes written
down for their future or present relationships. I feel everything in today’s
lifestyles is based on gestimates (trial and error) and even in most cases men
don’t know themselves what exact they want and if they know it, they fail to
state it, hence problems arises, things get edgy and men/women get wayward in
their own loving relationship. I have been voicing these terms, out laud:
“rekindle”, “keep the flair going”, “let’s bring the spark” and people kept
asking me what do you mean by this and that. Now I feel it’s time to start a
detailed analysis of this very thought. In this regard I had discussions with
all cadre and class of ladies and gentlemen; both married and those who had
been in a relationship or were in a relationship. I also had a chance to talk
to people who had one night stands and some teenagers as well, who had amazing
dreams/fantasies about their future relationships or present crushes. It has
been mind boggling as I feel that women go wrong so many times, so many places
in so many manners where they can easily save their relationship/marriage and
their man. There is no need to tighten or even keep the noose on a man, same
could be done without even tightening up, and matter of fact lot could be
achieved by loosening it up. Possessiveness is one thing but bombarding with
emotional black mailing is another. Ladies, please don’t be drama queens and
don’t create tamasha. All could be achieved without any fuss. And yes its true
men only have one kind of appetite, so be it. If men don’t think from their
heads that’s ok too, but aren’t we all (ladies and men) want to be loved?
Here are few pointers for
easy and spicy relationship.
1.
Contentment:
Like everyone, men also wants sense of contentment from their partners, ladies should learn to know what makes themselves contended with their men. This includes satisfaction, stability, sense of achievement and fulfillment. We should have little less desire for the “demand of do more” unlike Uncle Sam. It is observed that men are kept on the go, demands of one thing after another, rat race. Material mania, gifts, cars, diamonds, house, furniture, bags, watches, jewelry, bags and vacations, there is no limit, now another lustful race of “lawn kay joray” has started, if you guys had seen that craziness at one of the lawn exhibition, that I had a chance to go and see how ladies were going nuts to get their desired prints. It is pertinent to be content and composed. No need of competition or complex. [Harris or Hawiss ki race ko chorr dain, tou zindagi sahel ho jaye gi]
Like everyone, men also wants sense of contentment from their partners, ladies should learn to know what makes themselves contended with their men. This includes satisfaction, stability, sense of achievement and fulfillment. We should have little less desire for the “demand of do more” unlike Uncle Sam. It is observed that men are kept on the go, demands of one thing after another, rat race. Material mania, gifts, cars, diamonds, house, furniture, bags, watches, jewelry, bags and vacations, there is no limit, now another lustful race of “lawn kay joray” has started, if you guys had seen that craziness at one of the lawn exhibition, that I had a chance to go and see how ladies were going nuts to get their desired prints. It is pertinent to be content and composed. No need of competition or complex. [Harris or Hawiss ki race ko chorr dain, tou zindagi sahel ho jaye gi]
Dalai Lama
If we should
attain contentment in various spectrums of life, lot could be managed and
smoothen. There are ways of asking, demanding things but do not over burden him
with your wish list. Hold on to your horses. He will get you what you want but
“deserve to desire”. Don’t play hard, play smart. Find out what pleases him the
most and continue doing it, without mentioning, or making him realize the fact
that you had been doing a lot for him. He would eventually get what you want,
and your way too but for that you will have to be patient and believe in the
philosophy of the line as Iqbal said: “ bata teri raza kya hay”, yea, ladies,
make yourself so high that men get on to their knees automatically to do what
you want him to do but for that you will have to make a circle of his emotional
roundabout and then you will see the magic. Bottom line: give contentment and
make him feel satisfied and show that you are also contended by his presence
and his deeds. If there are some areas where you feel a need for improvement
than again, go to that roundabout and keep circling, you will finally get it,
trust me.
2.
Don’t let his Dog Out:
Yes, please it is not an ego war, set your egos
aside. It is very common and easy for any man to become a dog, so try to
refrain from letting him get his dog out. Ego is the foremost element which
drowns the boat of your relationship. Go easy on your own self esteem, now I am
not saying in any manner that you should lose yourself respect in front of him
but what I am trying to say is no point in making things bitter for yourself or
for him. Always, initiate in love, making out, hugging, kissing, apologizing,
forgetting, forgiving and smiling. Most men and women both are so stubborn that
we don’t give up on our issues and tiny hang ups.
Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space.”
Why make life problematic. You can always let you
egoistic dog out of your system in some other manner, at some other forum but
not with your partner and not when you are in Love. Love and ego do cannot
travel on same highway. So many breakups occur because of ego war. Why make “Anna
ka Masla” a masla of lifetime. Yeh zindagi nahi millay gi dobara, so ladies,
and gentlemen please “make love not war” and follow the line “jeo or jeenay
dou”. We should let our egos fly like a flamingo, and feel the flower in us and
let them smell it for you, forever.
3.
Let
there be Spaces:
But let
there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance
between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a
moving sea between the shores of your souls.”
Khalil
Jibran
This is very important, even for a child, for
ladies, for men, for pets, for anything or everything. If you do not give them,
their due space they will try to sneak out, of you and your sight. Now where
does this element of space pops out, I think it is the essence of few important
relationship traits, out of which most important is trust factor which is applicable
on both, man and the lady. So if you trust your partner you will give him/her
due space. But unfortunately it is seen that ladies do say that “Oh I trust
him” but then they go berserk over tiny issues and run after him, like crazy.
Some ladies try to freak men out by checking up on him, by random phone calls,
asking friends, about their whereabouts, their liaisons, their office situations,
some check cell phones, emails, face- book accounts , pockets, valets and even
ask children to spy on their husbands. It has been observed ladies want to find
out small or stupid reason for bashing and blaming their men so that they could
be manipulative for their own interests and needs. Some ladies do that because
they are guilty themselves and they want to prove or dig out any similar
element from their partner so that they could feel little less guilty by
proving that their partners are also, equally or closely on the same boat as of
themselves (men also do this). Why we make others freak out, why not let them
be, man or a woman, more you get into each other’s nerves more it will get
rough. Set each other free, that is the
best way about it, you will win eventually.
“When you
love someone, and you love them with your heart, it never disappears when you
are apart. And when you love someone and you've done all you can do, you set
them free, and if that love was true... when you love someone it will all come
back to you”
I have literally seen some ladies which remind me of a character of the movie, “Hang Over-1”, Dentists wife, she was one hell of a lady and so many men out there could relate something or another about her in their partners. So please, never ever think or get like her, or else, you will face the same fate as of that lady in the movie (last scene of wedding).
Therefore, space is mandatory, space for his/her
personal hobbies, for friends, for work and where ever he/she needs it, you
will have to learn wherever due space is required.
4.
Thand Program:
Why can’t have easy going lifestyles why spoil things
because of external factors, in- laws, khala, chacha, mamo, friends. In any
relationship what maters the most is a “pair” of individuals and their “bond”
do not spoil this bond because what will they say, and bypass each other
because of others. Do respect everyone but do not let anyone invade your
relationship. Best way to have a cool scenario is by ignoring as much as you
can and being very patient. Panicking, freaking, sulking, whining will never
take you anywhere. Even if your partner sometimes gets to a point where you
feel left out and he is taking sides with his sisters, or mother or friends,
just be patient and discuss it when it is the right time in right environment
and yes with romance and sweetness element so that he should not freak out. Some
men are real dorks and very susceptible about tiny little things (shaky mizaj)
so in such cases deal with the situation by ignoring his radical behavior and
swiftly get into his skin to make him realize, understand and transform into
something what you desire him to be. Never start a battle here, don’t become a
bitch with the dork. A lot could be done and won with mere sweetness. Thand
Program is the best way to go about things in life without compromising any
values and principles.
5.
Respect the Differences:
No two souls are alike, we all are born with our
own set of qualities, we cannot match 100% personality traits or habits,
wishes, likes and dislikes. So agree and understand that you two are different
person altogether, exactly in the manner that every sibling is different than
each other. If he likes to go out for dinner and you like to go for shopping,
try to manage both with each other’s schedules. If he wants to hang out with
his friends, try to accompany him, be part of the gang, by not complaining and
pointing issues in his friends or family members (he too should do this). If he
likes coffee and your prefer tea, that’s totally fine. If he likes action
movies and you are into romantic flicks, find a middle ground and watch both.
If there is a habit in one partner which is not acceptable to you, don’t expect
the rapid change, try it if it doesn’t work than accept it as we have to accept
each other with their good and bad habits both. Men normally like to have their
own ways, especially in our society, because of their chauvinistic approach,
some men are conservative in their heads, they don’t like their partners to
wear certain cloths, go to certain places, this could be very tricky and
alarming but this thing one needs to realize before getting into any
relationship or bond. And in some cases men are way too liberal, that too could
be dangerous and little difficult for some ladies to adopt, (parties, drinking
etc) so in that case your own personal logics, values, religious limits should
be well defined and should always be pre decided. Never hide your past from your
spouse, always share things. I have seen so many married people falling apart
because of past ghosts. Accept each other with their past, present and future.
We tend to grow into each other and out of our own habits, as the relationship
evolves. We transform into new “us”, so be ready to accept the transformation
and transition, never get lost into its translation.
6.
His Weakness should be your sweetness not your
strength:
Whatever his weaknesses are they should be
respected in a manner where he doesn’t feel any less from other, if he is old,
fat, or conservative or he has any other weakness, natural or acquired. Treat
your husband as you will treat your own child, you accept your child with all
sorts of unconditional elements. Make him feel like an achiever for whatever he
has done, in his limited or unlimited capacity. Never compare your man with any
other man, husband or hero. If you do all this, his weaknesses shall become
negligible and that could only happen with your sweetness.
7.
Romance Your Heart Out:
This is my personal favorite and trust me, as I
have said it before, all we need is Love and love could win and beat anything
and everything. Never let your romance die, one could do everything in romantic
manner, be it, eating, sleeping, walking, dancing or love making. Be serious
about your romantic approach, never make “ghar ki murgi daal barabar”, and
always please each other in best possible manner. Find out what he wants, when
he wants it, and how he wants it. Someone said all I admire when my wife comes
and sits in my lap, that is nothing significant or difficult, but when was the
last time, you did that? As our elders used to say that fill your man’s sexual
appetite in a manner that he doesn’t have any desire or energy left to seek
anything outside your own house or elsewhere. Never control sex like India
control’s Pakistani waters, let it flow, let it grow. Some ladies think if I
give him more he will get spoiled, “NO”, he will get sex starved and he will
eventually blow it out, so never ever take him there. Gone are the days when way to men’s heart used
to start and end in his stomach, it has shifted a bit down so get the hint, or
maybe it was always there, so accept it and
ensure to fulfill it by all means as he expects and requires it.
Conclusion:
Men are men, they will
always stay men, there is no such thing as a perfect man or perfect human, we
all have our short comings, but yet we all require so much from ladies. And I
think everything is possible if we start thinking, on the lines of “live and
let live”. Get out of our own egos and shells. Be patient and polite to each
other. Create and give enough space for relationship bond to nurture and
evolve. Trust and respect as much as you possibly can. Try to attain
contentment because this is very important pillar, if you have it, all the rest
could be achieved easily. Most important thing in a relationship for men or women
is element of “Love that has to be coated with the icing of Romance, there is
nothing in this world which cannot have romance element in it. Love, physical
and emotional is THE MAIN ELEMENT OF ANY RELATIONSHIP, so always keep it going,
by innovating yourself, discovering and exploring each other. Never let his dog
out as you can’t and you don’t want to be a bitch, even if he does that, and
then walk out of his way, he will learn his lesson, sooner or later. Men want
sakoon (peace of mind), when he comes home he require ultimate peace, not
complains and issues, or your migraine, backache, mood swings, PMS, or a wish
list. Try to discuss and deal with all such daily life problems at a better
forum, in a better way. (Swiftly and Sweetly). Yess.
