PHOOL JAISAY KHOWAB

Phool jaisay Khowab

Daikha tha aik khowab

Howay thay jo silsalay

Bikhray thay wo rangg,  

Khilay thay jo Phool,

Oun Phoolo'n ko ja'han khilna tha,

Wo Wa'han na khill sakay

Magar wo bhikrtay Rang 

Humaray Haal pay 
Maazi ki khushbu banker

Mustaqbil say hotay gaye

Ranjisho'n ki darmianni say  

Raabtay mukhtasir hotay gaye

Oun Phoolo'n kay Khilnay say

Moamllay sang hotay gaye

Aasray tang hotay gaye 

Oun Phoolo'n kay Mehaknay say

Faaslay jo simmtay thay,

Zaabptay jo samajay thay,

Wo hum pay lazim rahey

Oun Phoolon kay Millnay say

Raastay jo Sajjay thay

Houslay jo millay thay

Wo safar may sir hotay gaye

Rang jo charay thay
Faq na hosakay

Ammar hotay gaye

Oun Phoolon kay Beheknay say

Manzillain khabi dhundlati thie

Khabie nazar aajati thie

Istarah hum bhi behaktay rahey

Behak behak ker mehaktay rahey

haseen ranggoli si hoti rahi

Wo

Phool,

Raabtay,

Raastay,

Moamlay

Zaaptay,

Houslay

Or wo daikha howa aik Khowab 
Samjhi howi haqeeqat ban gaya or

Hamari Hayat may hamay hie guzaarta gaya

Na jaanay 
Wo Khowab, Khowab tha

Ya aik Phool ?

Wo Phool, Phool tha
Ya aik Khowab ?

Wo Phool bhi shayad

Yeh hie souchtay rahey

Or hum apnay

Mah-o-Saal 

Ous haseen chamman may

Phoolo'n or Khowabo ki

Rangeen bazam may

Guzzaartay rahey

Her Shab Chaand Raat ki tarah jagtay rahey

Her Subh Eid ki tarah nikkartay rahey,

Her pal ko

Pal Pal jeetay rahey,

Her Phool ko

Aik nya Khowab samajhh ker

Daikhtey rahey 

Apnay her din ko

Phoolo’n or Khowabo kay

Rango’n May Rangtay rahey

Khud Eid banker  

Khowabo ko

Phoolo'n ki Naveed daitay rahey

AASMAN BANA RAHEY HAIN-GHAZAL

Na aastano ko daikhay na yeh aashiano ko

yeh dillagi hay, chillaati hay Makeeno ko

Dor badlay ga is karwan-e-hasti ka bhi

charhaye rakho tanhayion ki Aasteeno ko

Jis jis nay di hay dard-e-dill ko howa,

uth uth kay die hay dua un Afreeno ko

May nahi manta, in riwajjo, in zaapton ko

doughli Insaaniat kay ajeeb Kareeno ko

Ajab kashish hay sittaro'n kay darmian hayil

juda rakhti hay appas may Aapgeeno ko

Na mill saka saroor-e-sakon is raah-e-kamil pay

kon samjhay ga na chahey howay Miskeeno ko

Hissar band rahi fizza meri khalai ateraaf may

kushaadgi ki zaroorat paray gi kuch Seeno ko

Tumahri aas, tumahri yaad may ghayil hun kab say

galay lagao ya aag in dagmagatay Safeeno ko

Jo Rahh-e-Ishq may hassti say bay niaz howay

salam kertay hain hum un dilbar Hasseeno ko

MAY WAQAYA NAHI TAREEKH KA TASSALUL HUN

SAMJH SAKO TOU SAMJH JAO HUM ALEEMO KO

Or

TUM AASSMAN SAY LAYE TOU KYA KAMAL KYA 
HUM ASSMAN BANAY RAHEY HAIN, IN ZAMEENO KO

TUMHAY KUCH YAAD HAY BHALA

Tumhay kuch yaad hay bhala, 

Tum nay boht pehlay,

Apni tarr aankho'n say meray chehray per, 

Aik phool sadabhahar sa banaya tha,

Wo phool purbhahar hie raha ,

Or meri nazzmo’n may lehakta gaya.

Wo phool aaj bhi meray baatin ko,
Zair kiay howay hay,

Tumhay hersu mujh may,

Payesh kiay howay hay.
Wo phool tum banker aksar,
Dill ki anjuman may mujh say milta hay,

Bilkul wesay hie mujh may simmat’ta hay,

Tumhay yaad ho kay na yaad ho,

Wo phool  jo bina rangay, 

Tumharay rango’n may rangtta tha,

Wo phool gaye dinno ki khusbu ki tarah,

Meray dill-e-haal pay aaj bhi mehakta hay.

Wo phool , phool hie raha.

Na anjaam howa, na toofan bana,

Dhool ka dhool hie raha,

Wo phool ab bhi shab-o-rooz kisi bhahnay,

Na janay kittnay aastanay,

Bhattak chukka hay,

Shaam-o-saweray khillta hay,

Yaado’n ko sajjata hay,

Kuch batto’n ko dohrata hay,

boht sou'n ko behlaata hay.

May khusbu say uski rajjta hun,

rajj rajj kay orr'on may bassta hun.

Na-janay mujhay yeh kyo'n lagta hay,

Tum aaj bhi apnay hasseen khayalo'n say, 

Rangeen khowabon may,

Uus phool ko phool banatay ho.

Meray chehray ki saato'n ko,

Mazeed Saanwartay ho.

Ussay tum aaj bhi panapptay ho,

Na janay kyon tum aisa kertay ho,

Khuda’ara, tum aaker wo phool mitta ja jao,

Mujhay mazeed bhataknay say bacha jao,
Ya thora tou ussay dhundla jao,
Apni raanayiaya'n lay jao,
Meri tanhayia'n day jao.................

Meray chehray ko wapis Mera ker jao.

Tribute to Salim Kosar

May Khayal hun Kisi or Ka Mujhay Sochta koi or hay

click below

May Khayal hun Kisi or ka Mujhay Souchta koi or hay

SENTIMENTS

Karachi has been so quiet and dead due to so many killings, strikes and riots, very terrible and sad. These situations create unnecessary depression in the air which we cannot avoid. Media plays important role but we can’t help it as we have to keep up with things as what has been happening around us, for information sake. I wish peace could prevail in Karachi and could be sustained forever. We Karachities are peace loving and sweet people, I have no clue that who are those people, those create and cause all those terrible things, who control and support them, have no clue as everyone seem to be disoriented. So far I have never met a single soul who liked the idea of terrorism, target killing, snatching, mugging, riots or any other crime. Than question remains, who are those people? God knows: I just wish things could change as such situations just being damaging in all regards.

Coming back to my thinking head, I wanted to share something very insignificant and out of the ordinary. The word metaphysics means in latin, beyond the physical realm. It is the plane of our feelings, emotions and the spiritual connection with the Superior Being, God, Mother Nature, or whatever image means the grandiosity of Creation for you. The study of metaphysics has one premise: that the universe inside is like the universe outside. ("As above, so below" is a phrase found in the Emerald Table). A spiritual path is a path towards one's self. Through it, one begins to understand the harmony with which the universe works. By learning to keep the physical, mental and emotional aspects in balance, our life aligns with the universal harmony, to experience the peace in the heart that nurtures us, regardless of the events outside. Metaphysical practices are based on Vedanta, Quantum Physics, and the works of many secular, religious and spiritual beings who have transcended the ordinary nature or life. In metaphysical practices there are deep reflections about the nature of life, our purpose on earth, our roles as humans, and our relationship with the divine. Meditation is one of metaphysics' main tools and if we are able to learn to use such tools that we can discover our hidden fortunes, from within ourselves, the entire universe and the God. I have come to conclusion that God is in Us, yes, within us, we have to find him. Yes that is pretty much possible.

 I keep saying this to myself, “where student become teachers” that’s when we must realize that we ought to learn things, no matter what age group we belong and how much age difference we have. I was blessed with such amazing students all throughout the life who became teachers. And I still know few powerful individuals who have abilities to conquer the world by conquering their inner self; I hope their energies are not wasted in meaningless endeavors, like other young ones, maybe in a manner that I sadly did. I would like to extend my heartiest thanks to few super individuals (SS, EW) who played significant role in teaching me things, for me one single word could mean the entire world. 

They might have said few things about Metaphysics and similarly someone dragged me into spiritualism and extreme meditation (needless to say that she once asked me to write about meditation and she asked me teach her how to meditate) whereas she wanted to teach me so many other aspect of seeking/searching and self-discovery. Now I am all smiles, and saying this to myself, thank you guys, you all gave me a word and it became a book, when I searched and explored into my own self. So I am now beyond the physical realm of myself and feel so connected with the divinity of superior being. It is so grandeur and so immense, I request you all, please look for that simple one word and get on to your quest and hunt or search, explore or discover, be patient though but get on to the ride. Ride of self discovery and realization. I am telling you the secret of success is in us, hidden deep down. Once you are there, you will feel words like “depression, stress, anxiety, boredom & so many other morbid aspects”, are so tiny and meaningless, and you would feel that “one single breath” has entire Universe hidden in it. The secret lies in one single breath, so much hidden energy is enclosed in one breath, it has more power than that of plutonium breaking, or any nuclear fission. It is the matter of reaching out to that one single secret breath (Inhale and exhale). It might seem like a fairy tale or something close but it is not. I wish and pray for all of you to reach to that point when you all could find that one word which will give you the translation and composition of entire book, a divine book, a book of life and beyond. I have very high hopes from few individuals who are at their tender ages are very deep in their quest and they could achieve a lot in life to become teachers soon, so that I could learn from them as well Have a good day.

Love nf.

LOVE & LOVE STORIES

I had been thinking about this topic for  quite some time, and for this I read so much, researched, discussed with people, experienced and experimented a lot to learn things. And I thought it’s the best time of the year (as spring is in the air and I could hear distant voice humming “Bahaar Ayee” as beautifully rendered by Tina Sani as soulfully written by Faiz)   to share this article which has been a question mark on my intellect self.

It is ironical that somehow all those famous lovers of various times & period didn’t get a chance to live happily ever after. Somehow all mythical and classical love stories ended with the death of both individuals and one of them and the other one followed by becoming a mystic or martyr.  Matter of fact if any lover gotten together (married or consummated) their story never became popular or attracted any limelight. They became same old run of the mill family tales for which historian never bother to pen them. Whereas all other love stories in which lovers didn’t meet or for that matter died while struggling for longing, their story became a famous love story. I wonder often times why is it so? And all those lovers who died in such manners were considered heroes and true lovers, rest became like me or still in a process of progression towards it. All those Lovers names are etched in golden letters in the history of mankind. Those famous love stories are a living proof that love is immortal.  Have you notice, that in wars and battles and these days in normal life, so many so many people or soldiers die, and they are given a label of “Shaheed” (martyrdom). They gets more recognition than those who survive, just stay ordinary souls. Similarly those lovers who die, they become immortal. Love remains forever and does not let their sacrifices go waste. These popular love affairs are an inspiration for so many people around the world because we all need heroes or celebrities to look up to. Most youngsters smitten by love often become synonymous to these famous lovers. People give them names like Romeo-Juliet that proves that these famous lovers are a big inspiration for falling in love, never mind the consequences.

It is said that love conquers all (as a song states) but then there is another song which I used to listen at one point of life and had become anthem of my heart (Sometimes Love just ain’t enough by Patty Smith). We say Love but it’s not just Love, it’s a lot more than that to be loved or to love. It takes a life time to understand what love actually is. All those epic lovers gave their lives without even thinking twice. I wonder if such love exists in our times. As someone said to me, “aaj kal Koi kisi kay liay nahi marta”…….maybe that’s true or maybe it’s not, as we don’t get to hear such stories anymore. All those lovers who died for each other, they just wanted to live together happily ever after. However, it is not that easy and we all know that fairy tales rarely come true. The trials and tribulations that these young lovers braved, just to be with each other, is enough to send shivers down the spine. They were happy to die together too. They were of the belief that since they couldn't live together, at least in death they shouldn't be separated. Some of the famous love stories are those of Antony-Cleopatra, Pyramus-Thisbe, Salim-Anarkali, Heer Ranjha, Soni Mahiwal, and Laila-Majnu. Their great love sagas are an inspiration to fall in love and not to be afraid of giving even the biggest of sacrifices. Though these great people are not alive, they shall always remain immortal in the hearts of all those who are in love.

Antony and Cleopatra, one of the most famous love stories by William Shakespeare, the love saga of Antony and Cleopatra is a truly a fable of worshipping your beloved. Antony and Cleopatra epitomize that love is another name for sacrifice. Their love story is among the most tragic ones, where both the lovers die instead of living ‘happily ever after’. ‘Antony and Cleopatra’ is among the most popular plays by Shakespeare.

Laila and Majnu is an eternal love story that has a tragic end. These two young lovers sacrificed their love for each other, as they couldn't be together. Such selflessness was their love that they did not hesitate for even a minute when it came to laying down their lives for each other. The love story of Laila and Majnu is a very famous one and is no less than a legend. The love affair of Laila & Majnu is known to be so tragic and moving.

Pyramus and Thisbe, a very touching love story, sure to move anyone who reads it. Their love story is part of a Roman mythology. It is a beautiful tale of the most sentimental romance, though not without its share of tragedy. Theirs was a selfless love and they made sure that even in death, they were together. The love story of Pyramus and Thisbe continues to inspire lovers all around the world.

Salim and Anarkali, their love story is a story that every lover knows. It is one of the most tragic love stories known to people.

The Mughal prince Salim falling for a courtesan Anarkali is the kind of stuff that legends are made of. (it has been sensationalized in an epic and the grandeur, a true cinematic master piece of Kamal Amrohi/K-Asif-in Moghul-e-Azam, which is till date is the biggest Indian movie ever with on Screen love tale of Dilip Kumar & Madubala, which itself is a story in the story, would require pages to talk about just her beauty and her epic smile :). The relationship of Salim and Anarkali outraged the Mughal emperor Akbar to the extent that both father and son decided to go on war. However, as all great love stories are associated with a disastrous ending, the love affair of Salim and Anarkali did blossom, only to meet a tragic fate L So many myths exist about Anarkali and her existence, some say she was a keep of Akbar’s harm, some say she was an illegitimate daughter of Akber that’s why he didn’t want Salim to marry her, and some say she was buried alive and some say she was secretly sent to Iran via caved Tunnel BUT after her death or departure Salim, dude, did live happily after by becoming a Moghul Emperor and loving/living with various other women so I guess their love was just glamorized by the tales and movies.

Another great example of Love that we take or give is of Taj Mahal which was built in memory of Noor Jehaan but strangely she was married before with children and emperor saw her, fallen in love with her and have her husband killed to marry her than she had 14 children from him, after her death he married again and had several other flings, whatever………….I mean I don’t get it? Was Taj Mahal, was a fluke or maybe he just wanted to show or prove his superficial love or Might and maybe he had other reasons of making it, I am not sure but what I do know that it is indeed a greatest piece of Art that mankind has ever produced. Credit should go to the architect and workers but I am so sorry that no one knows about them as they say that after the construction ended, Mughal Emperor, had cut the hands of the main person who was behind its construction, how  cruel is that and this is not good.



Coming back to Love stories, the list is endless, from Sheer-e-Farhad, to Sassi-Pannu or Heer-Ranjha or Sohni-Mahiwal but my question is why in our times we don’t have any such love or memorable stories, were they all made up and fictitious stories? As they say that they don’t have any proof for the story of Anarkali and it’s all made up, not sure though. Question remains, what happened to true love? Do they all get married and forgotten or if they don’t get married than what happens? They are not brave enough to die? Or what is the reason that we do not have any such great Love stories as mentioned above. There has to be some reasons. Maybe it’s in the air; love dies with time or with prevailing zooming commercialism, plastic age, virtual aspects, economic deprivation or lack of motivation. I also wonder if all the lovers wanted to get married. Was marriage—the true destiny? And also my head spins, when I think “what if they had gotten married, would they have been happier? Or popular? Please quote examples of our times of great love stories that you have seen or experienced maybe you can come up with few but not exactly commendable stories. I think most of the love stories die down with our social pressures and “Awwh haye” factors. But we ought to bring and create examples of classical love stories. I have few examples which I shall quote, maybe someday. Same things goes for Soul mates, as I had written in one of my post, a detailed analysis and analogies about Soul Mate Phenomena, which is ever green to be complicated and confusing, as it has just become a term of reference or subject of fascination.   

“kal or ayain gay mujh say behtar kehnay walay, tum say behter sunnay walay”

VICES OF OUR TIMES

 
 

Do you ever stop and think about how insane this is? You have "your life", and some crazy idea you get to order it, you get to have some control over how it's going. You live somewhere (if you're fortunate), and you may have a measuring stick you think of as "your stick", and in it you may have "your trees", your trunk, your branches, leaves and your fruits. In other terms your views, your inhibitions, highs, goals, memories, your car, your day, your responsibilities, and your routine? Your spot in the room when you go to yoga, it is a small thing but I am sure all of us want to be in our favorite spot depending on our mood, day, who is around and environmental (air, light etc) factors. We centralize lives around our loved ones, friends, dreams, work and sadly finance. The clothes we pick for ourselves. Your identity, you know? Your daily list of things to do and all those things that you want to do but been unable to do b because of one reason or another. Your schedule for today, as in Monday As if it's up to you. As if the entire thing, your entire life, and every plan you've got couldn't be turned on its head in the blink of an eye. Its endless list of things, issues, commitments, liabilities and responsibilities. Do the people in your life know how much you love them? Are you making that clear with your actions and the words you choose every day? Did you do that today? If something happened to you today (and I certainly hope nothing but beautiful things happen for you today), what would be left undone? Unsaid? Unexplored? Life does not have a rollover plan for wasted moments. 

The only thing you truly have any control over, is how you're going to respond to whatever it is life is going to bring your way. Maybe something or someone amazing will cross your path. You get to decide if you open to that or you don't. Maybe something devastating or disappointing will happen. You have the power only as much as you're able to open to those events, also. But please don't suffer under the delusion that you're in control and you can put off your joy and your fun and your yes for now, so you can enjoy those things, life's most meaningful gifts, in your future. Tomorrow isn't promised, every single day is a gift and an opportunity to be lit up from the inside, powered by your purpose here, spreading all the love you've got in your heart and co-creating the story as it unfolds. You're either in the flow, or you're exhausting yourself swimming against the current. When people wear themselves down like that, it's so painful, they just want to sleep. How many different ways do we have to do that? To disconnect, to check out, to numb out? Our infatuation with our cell phones, this is crazy but I have become one of those who are always fondling with a cell phone, and if I don’t have it in my hand I feel strange and its funny that I keep playing with my cell phone, even if I don’t have any message or email or check or write, this attachment is ever growing which is not good. I wish if it was with a human being instead of a gadget. We are so much whatsapping, bbming,, forgetting to actually to be with those people, this infatuation with gadgets tweeting or "checking in", is alarming and instead of being with the person in front of them we are literally changing reality into virtuality.  Everyone racing everywhere because we're all so important, you know? We have places to be and we're "swamped" and "inundated", and wow, I'm beat, so happy there's a Gloria Jean’s Coffee Company or Espresso! What are we distracting ourselves from, and why are we so afraid to sit still and open to the wonder within us and the wonder around us? This is serious and concerning, as what are we leaving behind for new generation. I ask myself, when was the last time that I had actually written a letter to a loved one, and I feel sad plus sorry that it’s been more than a year J. Now we have to realize the sentiment of knowing the power of NOW.  That's the only power you have, opening to things as they are, as of now, yes, be it MONDAY. Why can’t we simply embrace it to face it with an open heart and a big smile? Facing reality as it is, is a blessing. Why today’s time and age I am more worried about that my cell phone is out of battery than anything else. My phone went dead on me last night and God I was miserable & freaking out as if I had some allergic reaction. Life is a lot more than that, sometimes it's full of indescribable beauty. You are a part of that. A unique, amazing part. It would be such a shame to miss that. If you're just arriving yet, welcome to this moment. So glad you're here. I wish and pray that you always stay in that moment and keep on cherishing that moment, every moment of your life.

Love…nf

THE ART OF KISSING

Make sure your lips aren't dry - moistening them (but not too much) makes it easier for your lips to slide over your partner's. Use colorless, stick lip balm for best results. Squeezable balm will work too but use in moderation. You don't want to smear shiny Carmex all over your partner.

When French Kissing. Don't dive straight for the tonsils. Play with their tongue - caress, fondle, wrestle with it. Think of it as trying to massage the other's tongue. NEVER bite; you could easily hurt the other person.

Let your partner take the lead sometimes and get used to his or her style. Give each other chances to lead and you may find a different way you like to kiss.Close your eyes just before your lips touch. Some people enjoy looking into their partner's eyes when kissing, but for most, it's a huge creepy turn off. Keep them closed and you will enjoy it more. Think about how blind people sense so much more than sighted people, the same principle applies. You will get a more rushing sensation from the touch and feel of a kiss if your eyes are relaxed and closed.

Use your hands! Don't let your arms awkwardly hang there. Guys, your hands should be around her back, waist, or on the sides of her face. Girls, your hands can be in a NUMBER of places, including: around his neck, on the sides of HIS face, on his stomach, on his hips, or a guy's favorite, on his biceps. Also don't be afraid to run your fingers through your partner's hair, just make sure your hair is clean just in case it happens to YOU!

Let them know what they are doing is good. Softly moan, sigh, or kiss back harder if what they are doing is pleasurable. Girls, if you are holding their arms/biceps, give a little squeeze plus a moan to drive them nuts.

Use your tongue in the way you want your partner to use his/hers - both of you will naturally do the same.

If you're smaller than the partner you're going to kiss, then hold your head a little back and stand on your tiptoes if comfortable. If you are a girl and you are shorter, as it is in most cases, wrap your arms around his neck and he will naturally wrap his around your waist and lift you up.

If you're taller than the partner you're going to kiss, bend your head a little down and keep your legs a little wide apart for the other person to stand.

If you're a bit intimidated by French Kissing, don't be! It sounds scary only because it is not as easy as a regular kiss, but just do it in small steps. First, start kissing like a normal kiss, then slowly open your mouth and touch your partner's tongue softly with yours. They will get the hint and go from there!

Relax! As long as your are comfortable and at ease, your kiss will be pleasurable for both you and your partner. Just empty your mind of everything except the moment at hand and you will master the art of kissing.

WHAT IS INFATUATION

Ever wonder, so many of us fall for others, not knowing what the feelings are: In general terms, everything is labeled as Love and we keep on dwelling upon the thought, love this, love that, and love forever, love and death, what not. Not realizing that most of the cases it is not really love, rather it could be one of the following: Love :: Lust :: Infatuation :: Obsession :: & Ishq.

There has a lot been said, and discussed about love, we have shared several documents on “Love’ at DC. By now I am sure we all know the definition, feelings and thoughts behind “Love”, as far as “Lust” is concerned, most of us will always deny it, will never accept it, this aspect needs to be discussed along with Obsession and my personal favorite “Ishq”. Ishq, only exist in “Udru” or so to speak in sub continental cultures. Ishq has its own dimension, wavelengths and off course concept, definition & explanation. Every individual could define this term in their own set of examples, feelings and experiences. The term “ishq” requires comprehensive discussion, which I shall do some other time. Once there was a debate at DC, very interesting one, with few members at DC, and one of the member dragged me into the explanation of all these feelings, back than I did explain all of these and ever since then I wanted to write in detail about all of these subjects. I did somehow explained all, time to time, specially “ishq” was explained in the post of “Homage to Raja Gidh”, however, it shall be refreshed with more clarity and examples. Today, I want to focus on “Infatuation”, that too, was explained before but I think we need a refresher. Sometime back a dear member at DC had sent me an interesting document related to the subject under discussion, which I am sharing with you all. Many thanks to her.

[We’re in love with it! Millions of men and women live in anxious hope of experiencing it as soon as possible... and over and over again... if necessary. Come to think of it, infatuation has become a popular model for love itself, and at this very moment, infatuation fever is directing the most critical intimate choices of an enormous sub-culture of singles.

But wait! Before you rush to your next rapture, consider some of the following viewpoints on this most popular of all feeling states. Think about what it really is to be infatuated.

Plainly, the word itself is officially defined as a kind of affliction. In common parlance, infatuation is known as "being a fool for love". Most of us recognize it as a state in which a person’s normal ability to think clearly and act rationally are flung aside with suspicious eagerness. Desire focuses on a particular someone and suddenly nothing matters but that compelling attraction. The dictionary strongly suggests that the overt result of infatuation is a reduction in mental capacity. A frequent synonym given for infatuation is "folly", predicting grave consequences to follow from stupidity resulting from fixated passion.

Sounds ominous. Nonetheless, there must be something about infatuation that accounts for the hold it has over our imaginations... and our choices. Most of us know the feelings of infatuation from direct personal experience. Certainly we’ve all been introduced to Love Fever through stories told in pajama party whispers, fairy tales, the anguished confidences of dear friends, through cartoons and fine literature, B-movies and cinematic art, TV sitcoms and soap operas, and romantic novels. Wherever and however reported, though, the sensate phenomenon are remarkably similar.

Infatuation Phase I: Stricken!The first act in the life of an infatuation is that magic moment when someone suddenly takes on "special" meaning for us.

You hear a phrase or a particular inflection in someone’s voice that strikes a chord in your heart. You are struck by the exact tilt of his head. You are warmed by a gaze or an unexpected tenderness. An intriguing remark goes straight to your soul. Or, perhaps from a respectable distance, you notice legs or skin or hair (or a more private physical trait) to die for. Lightning has struck.

Infatuation Phase II: Intrusive ThinkingAfter the bolt of lightning comes a storm of intrusive thinking about the desired one.

Every experience you now have seems interwoven with their qualities, every shared moment weighted with new meaning. When apart from them, you review and relish each moment spent in their presence and ruminates on their flavor. In fact, many infatuation informants report spending 80 to 100 percent of their time compulsively trying to crystallize the vision of their new love, living in vigilant expectation of the next contact.

Infatuation Phase III: IdealizationEarly in the intrusive thinking phase, idealization sets in. The erotic sizzle permeates everything and creates that famous halo with which we love to blind ourselves. For a while, the infatuee sees no flaws in the beloved and admits to no blocks to forward progress.

Infatuation Phase IV: The Emotional RollercoasterFrom this high intensity anticipation comes the primary emotional dynamic of infatuation: an exquisite combination of hope and uncertainty which has funded libraries of poetry.

At this point, life becomes that famous rollercoaster ride: precious moments of delightful reciprocity (real or imagined) followed by agonizing doubts of ultimate success. Infatuation is now more consciously driven by simple fear. In fact, The Nagging Fear of Not Getting What You Have Begun to Desire is the unique torment reserved for the infatuated elite.

This pattern of human experience is as well-documented as any emotional experience has ever been. You can find poignant elaborations on the process incised upon clay tablets, etched in marble, painted on papyrus, fixed in celluloid, playing on the radio, and filtering through the voices all around you. It is a famous and favorite form of anguish.

But how can something so uncomfortable be so irresistible?

Science Has An Answer For Infatuation!Research has confirmed the existence of an amphetamine-like chemical which is rapidly activated (like lightning!) when we begin to feel attracted to someone. This chemical is called phenylethylamine (PEA), that famous substance that makes laboratory rats press levers until they drop dead from exhaustion.

Diane Ackerman, author of The Nature of Love and A Natural History of the Senses, describes PEA as a "molecule that speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells", whipping the brain into a frenzy of excitement, sending ordinary attraction into overdrive and providing the assertive oomph! needed to take social risks and overcome any obstacles to mating. We can consider this a well-designed molecule from the point of view of species survival.

But... some other researchers at the New York State Psychiatric Institute claim to have discovered that PEA has a tendency to pave the way for that peculiar contemporary disorder, The Relationship Addiction. They point out that this internally-generated infatuation drug acts a lot like speed. Some people (and a lot of rats) not used to the rush begin to crave it.

In other words, some people are always infatuated, but not necessarily with the same person, and not long enough to develop a relationship that makes them really happy or leads to lasting happiness.

Is this what it means to be A Fool For Love? A Fool for Phenylethylamine? By many indications, once we are pierced by the arrow of attraction, the biologically compelling quality of infatuation insures for many people a helpless emotional state.

Psychology Has An Answer for Infatuation!Biological models explain a lot about the "how" of infatuation, the mechanism governing the actual phenomenology of love foolishness. The social sciences have a lot to tell us about the "why". Why this particular man, why that woman?

Naturally, Freud would have said that it is all in your head. What else? His most profound contribution to modern thought was to show us the extent to which our behavior, especially our love behavior, is guided by unconscious processes. He might further have emphasized that we are attracted (compelled?) to experience specific relationships in an attempt to meet intimacy needs shaped in our earliest years, with our first love objects: Mom and Dad. (Just the basic meat and potatoes of attraction dynamics, folks!)

Carl Jung popularized the idea that opposites attract, and for very good reasons. He theorized that we are unconsciously drawn to those who exhibit qualities we find lacking - or somehow undeveloped - in our own psyches and that we always seek to complete or balance ourselves somehow through intimate attachments. In the state of infatuation, then, we are pulled like a moth toward the flame we wish to acquire for our permanent warmth.

The Imago Model of InfatuationHarville Hendrix, author of Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide For Singles, has one of the best explanations I’ve heard for why we tend to fall so heavily and helplessly, if sometimes so briefly, into the infatuated state.

He says we each have in our memory banks a highly individual imprint, a mental construct called an imago, in which the best and worst attributes of our earliest caretakers have been crystallized.

The imago we have of our dream lover is like an intimacy template. It influences and filters our perception so that we are particularly attentive and sensitized to those who match our private patterns. This then accounts for the highly specific nature of our infatuations.

Dr. Hendrix thinks we have something like psychic receptor-sites for certain people who evoke highly idiosyncratic responses in us. He argues - as do many others - that we are unconsciously attracted to people who help us recreate early relationship dynamics in the (also unconscious) hope that things will turn out better and we will have a lot more control this time around.

The perception of strong attraction then acts as an internal signal which flips the PEA switch (remember the infatuation drug?). Apparently, such attraction is relatively involuntary, primitively-driven, and seemingly beyond our control. Just like the drug itself.

Good News/Bad NewsThe deeper we go into this matter, the more infatuation seems to reflect its dictionary definition as the epitome of foolishness. The experience seems to take conscious choice right out of the picture. When we are infatuated with someone - or something - it is as though we become little love robots, biochemical puppets with no will of our own, without a rational thought in our heads! And what is the stupendous pay-off for what seems to be a love offering of mindless surrender?

Answer truthfully, now: How often have you experienced highly erotic and deeply gratifying love-making with someone with whom you were infatuated? How often has the object of your feverish desire turned out to be as you imagined him or her? How many smoldering, day-dreamed passions have actually burst into flame for you? How many times have you been a Fool For Love only to realize within weeks (if you are lucky) or months that there was no love there, only helpless yearning? How many sunny, companionable days have you actually spent with someone you worshipped and longed to possess? In short, how many times has infatuation worked for you?

The answers to these questions will tell you there is little happiness in infatuation itself, precious little daily satisfaction is possible while we are acting the Fool For Love. That is because the state of infatuation thrives on distance and frustration. It flourishes under difficult circumstances. It is not magnified by consummation and familiarity.

Please note: Infatuation cannot exceed its own expectations. It is the spark and the emotional kindling, not a steady, warming fire. It is an appetizer that makes you anticipate the full banquet. But it will not keep you warm and it will not fill you up.

Infatuation begins as an important emotional signal to point you in the direction of desire and get you moving. But it is not yet love and its impetus will never take the place of thinking about what you want and acting persistently on that intention.

Still and all... there is no reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater!


Transcendental InfatuationWhen all is said and done, we will always want to fall in love with the pull of a potent attraction. We will always want to love infatuation and we will always reserve our right to be a Fool For Love. And that is as it should be. Who does not want to feel moved by the thrill of a profound, mysterious attraction that is able to overpower our ego defenses and cause us to open our soul to another with the impetuosity of a child? The state of infatuation is so powerful that we want infatuation to have a meaning beyond that of a chemically-induced trance phenomenon. And that is possible, but with just one little catch.

In order to make certain that infatuation can fulfill its true role in the natural discovery and growth of love; we have to stay semi-conscious and aware of our choices. Only conscious surrender and sustained attachment can make the original spark of infatuation eventually work to our benefit.